“We are all caught up in a book that is too big to read, but we can feel the pages turning.”
Do you ever write something down when it enters your brain and then go back and read it sometime later and get choked up? Do you ever read something that you wrote and ask yourself how those words got put in that order in your head?
It doesn’t make any sense! The quote above may not seem important, or maybe it does, but I don’t remember writing it. But for some reason at
This week was long, I do not know why it was long, it just was. Irritation, frustration, annoyance, and fear ruled me this week (maybe that’s why it was long…) I found myself watching my favorite TV show, the Simpson’s, and getting annoyed at the characters on the show. I’ve never been annoyed by Homer Simpson, in fact for a while in my life I compared myself to him. But suddenly I was annoyed with how immature he is.
Bad drivers are one thing when you are in a car, but it is a whole different story when you are on a motorcycle in pouring down rain and people are talking on their cell phones while switching into the lane that I currently occupy. A rush of emotions jolted through my system and not one of them was ‘good.’ Maybe justified, maybe not.
So what is this book that I was talking about? And what pages are turning? The answers to these questions I do not know (I have my speculations, but a speculation is like a cubic zircona – cheap and easily breakable), but what I do know is that God is not letting me see the next page. In fact, I’m not sure I know the next sentence. My life is like a kaleidoscope – a simple flick of the wrist and a scene appears that I didn’t know existed. Each scene is filled with magnificent colors and organized chaos. Except with this kaleidoscope I’m not the one doing the turning – God is. I love him for this and I hate him for this. I want more than anything to be able to plan my life. I want to be able to say to people when they ask (because everybody asks) “So what are you going to do with your life?” or “So what are you going to do once you graduate?” that I am going to do XXXX XXXXXX XXXXX. But in all reality, I have no clue. The only thing I have a clue about is that I have no clue. But I sure would like to know, it would make life a lot easier. It would save me a lot of wrestling. I could spend more energy on what each day requires of me. But wait a minute, I think I just had an epiphany – why am I trying to figure it out? Why does it even matter if I can answer such a silly question. Heck, I didn’t even know about mars hill graduate school 7 months before brooke and I moved out here. It is when I knew for sure what I was going to do that things changed. This is when I started to feel the breeze from the turning of the pages.
Wow, what a great epiphany. I’ll believe what I just typied for, oh, about 15 seconds and then I will go and try to take control of my life. My whole life is a power struggle with God. But it is because I can feel the breeze from the pages that I keep coming back.
“We are all caught up in a book that is too big to read, but we can feel the pages turning.”
joel